Mike Lowell — Thumbs down for Youk means thumbs up for Lowell!  He really likes it, Mikey really likes it. That’s me liking Lowell, who goes by Mikey when I think about him in ’70s commercials. Lowell will get all the at-bats at the not-hot corner with Youk out, will be placed in the heart of a Red Sox lineup that just got Jacoby Ellsbury back and let the world know of his arrival by tatering last night.

Travis Snider — I <3’ed Travis so much that I just dropped Carlos Beltran for him in my Uber Wars league. I <3’ed him less once I saw that he’s batting leadoff vs. the Yankees today. What’s Uber Wars? Exactly what you think it is. What’s Snider gonna do for you that Beltran won’t? Hit homers, mister — just like he did last night. What’s Beltran gonna do for you that Snider won’t? Steal bases.  Strikethrough strikes again!

Alex Gordon — Hey, I’ve seen you here before. Gordon went 2-for-4 with a homer last night and has three bombs with five RBIs over his last five games. Don’t make me put up his Triple-A numbers this year.

Thomas Diamond — Once upon a time, Diamond was 1/3 of the Rangers’ D-V-D trio, along with Edinson Volquez and John Danks. Last night, the 27-year-old Diamond struck out 10 Brewers hitters over six innings of three-run ball in a tough-luck loss in his Major League debut. The Cubs really found a Diamond in the rough. Hey, look, the Cubs are wearing Diamonds on the soles of their shoes! Hey, Neil Diamond, why are your 30-year-old jingles blared on stadiums nationwide? I don’t know but I do know that Ks are Ks and Diamond averaged a 9.8 K/9 in his six-year Minor League career and should get an
extended tryout replacing Ted Lilly in the Cubs rotation. Hello NL-only leagues!

Joel Hanrahan — Hanrahan pitched a scoreless ninth after watching Evan Meek allow a pair of runs pitching the seventh and eighth. I believe this means Hanrahan is the closer. 

Carlos Santana, Ryan Howard, Travis Hafner to the DL — Not good, Carlos Ruiz (.452 AVG, 2 HR, 9 RBIs) and Yorvit Torrealba (15-game hitting streak) are good options to replace the Black Magic catcher; Mike Lowell and Alex Gordon can help you out if you need a cornerman to replace Ryno. Bobby Higginson can help you replace Hafner’s production.